Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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