Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
