Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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