we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I touched a dick in church today
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
