He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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