is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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