you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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