I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
