I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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