how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
