I'm going to jail i love you
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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