Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
