dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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