Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
