Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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