jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What a dumb baby whore.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
