I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
