The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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