stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
