i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
