Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
