Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
