Someone shit on the floor
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
