can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
