Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
