ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
