all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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