No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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