He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
