Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I want to fling myself into the sun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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