Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i now understand why vodka
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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