Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My penis needs a shock collar
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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