so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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