Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
