I think my vagina is haunted
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize