mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize