Just took my morning after pill in the library
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a bag of teeth...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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