I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i love accidental penises.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
