Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
