i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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