Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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