i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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