3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
