With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
