No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize