He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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