After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
