I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
