Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
