dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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