Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize