I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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