and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
