I skipped work to stalk him.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
