How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
