I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
