addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
