Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
