my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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