Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
