My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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