Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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