that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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