I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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