why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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