Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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