She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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