Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You are the jesus of drinking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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