Your face is a jimmy john
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
