...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
