ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
