is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
