he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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