it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
