my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
