I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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