Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
