just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
