god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
