so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize