what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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