Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My pussy is not your playground.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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