Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize