A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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