Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
