He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
