Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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