Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Text me some of your sweat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
