the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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