Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
