first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
