I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
