guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
