He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
