I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
