Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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