dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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