Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
