What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
